What advice would you give your unborn child?

Faced with my terminal cancer and coming to terms with my family, the thought has frequently crossed my mind,

“What should I tell my grandchildren – as it really is – or what society wants me to tell them?

A hilarious compendium of fatherly advice has become a surprising internet hit.

Inspired by ‘1001 Rules for My Unborn Son’, Nigel Farndale introduces his own list of left-field wisdom – with help from guest contributors – the likes of which you won’t find in any conventional parenting manual.  Here are the top 10:-

1. Never put off until tomorrow what you can persuade someone else to do today.
2. There’s a fine line that separates eye contact and the piercing stare of a psychopath. Don’t cross it.
3. That interesting dream you had last night. No one is interested.
4. Keeping time with a tambourine as you sing a Beatles’ song is harder than it looks, especially with the rest of the school watching.
5. Never experiment with a bow tie.
6. Don’t bother with video games, chick lit or reality TV. Life is too short.
7. When you’re in a hole, keep digging until it’s big enough to hide in properly.
8. Before sending a bitchy email, double check you are not sending it to the person you are bitching about.
9. When in love, don’t write poetry about it.
10. Never play cards with any man named ‘Doc’.

Back to my question as to what I should tell them … I’m not sure what that will be.  I think I am going to write a tome to them spelling out all those times when life has shafted me along the way.  What do you think I should do?