Specialising in the human experience of Living with prostate cancer – warts and all

My fight: I must be losing it

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Weekly update letter

Dear family and friends

It is 10 minutes to midnight and I sit at the family table with my eyes overflowing with tears although I am not crying.  It is that time of the day when I get to contemplate my existence and what is in store for me.

Each day is becoming heavier to handle.  I feel the degeneration occurring in my body.  Apart from the tears, my legs are heavy with  aches and discomfort.  My ankles are swollen with fluid and the echo of the bone cancer pain keeps me alert to it’s ongoing rage.

There is no comfort to be found in going to bed yet so I will probably stay up messing around on the Internet until I am very tired around 2.00am,  I will sleep until nearly lunchtime when I will then wake up, a little later than I did today, and go through the damage control taking opiates to get me functioning for the day.  By 2pm, I will be feeling alright until the cold sweats kick in and it is all down hill again from there.

There is nothing clever, positive or philosophical I can say except that I am buggered – and I don’t like it.

Regards Greg


Written by Greg Naylor

8 April 2009 at 12:56 am

Posted in Greg Naylor, my fight

Tagged with ,

5 Responses

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  1. You’re not “losing it” Greg. That all sounds like a perfectly normal human reaction to what you’re going through. It’s quite rational really. What can I say, chin up? I dunno, but I hope you have some better days. Cheers.

    Ray Dixon (Bright)

    8 April 2009 at 8:15 am

    • Thank’s for the words of encouragement Ray. When I say ‘I am losing it’, I mean physically – not emotionally. It seems that I am asleep and non-functional for more hours in the day than being ‘alive’. I publish these thoughts to help others understand the process of dying which is not pretty but it is a fact of life.

      The medical profession are inept when it comes to telling you what to expect – maybe they don’t want to worry their patients – or it may be because they really have no idea never having experienced it which is the more probable explanation.

      Greg Naylor

      8 April 2009 at 3:37 pm

      • It seems that I am asleep and non-functional for more hours in the day than being ‘alive’

        Our Alpine councillors have exactly the same problem!

        Ray Dixon (Bright)

        8 April 2009 at 11:21 pm

  2. Thanks for sharing that dad. It puts my healthy life and apparent stresses into perspective.

    I really get that it’s every day, every hour that you’re attending to your body in some way or another – which is a bloody lot!

    I admire your resiliance and patience – and it’s healthy to be letting it break you down emotionally from time to time.

    Love dave.

    David naylor

    9 April 2009 at 6:37 am

    • ‘attending to your body’ is an interesting observation and I think that it is a good interpretation. There is not an hour goes by when I am confronted by an ache, the sweats or some other by product of it all. But that’s all there is – all I can do is observe it slowly overtaking my being.

      Thanks for keeping tuned in Dave, just enjoy what you have whilst you don’t need to be concerned about your day to day health.

      Greg Naylor

      9 April 2009 at 10:52 pm

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