Specialising in the human experience of Living with prostate cancer – warts and all

Greg’s Greatest Journey – 6 June 2008

with 16 comments

Dying really sucks …

“It’s sad when you become a bit player in the story of your life”
… Lisa Minelli

Today I am totally depressed … I am sad … and I am angry!

A couple of days ago, I was excited that remission might be possible. Today, I question “is it really worth it?”. At the other end of remission, they are going to tell me they have done all they can and I will soon be gone. That is simply delaying the inevitable.

I have an indeterminate number of days left and all I am doing is wasting them on other people. I came home from hospital and my local doctor went on holidays for a month leaving me in a medical vacuum. I need so much to discuss things with him but I am still waiting.

I made contact with Palliative care some weeks ago and they called with their pain management physician who attended to my pain management. They were to come back the following week to explain their services to me but that has been deferred until next Wednesday. There is so much I need to learn about the dying process and what support I can get for Pauline.

If living in a vacuum of information is called ‘quality of life’ … who needs it. Dying really, really sucks!

Written by Greg Naylor

6 June 2008 at 12:08 pm

16 Responses

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  1. Greg, it’s sad to hear that you are being left on your own to an extent at a time when you need timely assistance more than ever. Fingers crossed that some of these things will come your way sooner rather than later.

    It’s been good to see you posting still, please keep us in the loop.

    Dave from Albury

    6 June 2008 at 1:39 pm

  2. Dave, posting here is the only way I know how to confront my feelings and, whilst I can, I will keep posting. When you get a hiatus – like during the month of May – you will know I’m doing it hard. If that happens again, give me a rev-up and I’ll get back to it.

    It is comforting to know that you guys are interested enough to want to be in the loop.

    Greg Naylor

    6 June 2008 at 3:52 pm

  3. Hang in there Greg.


    6 June 2008 at 9:00 pm

  4. Thank’s Ray. It has been the worst day so far. I just got stuck into the Glenfiddich on ice. That might help

    Greg Naylor

    6 June 2008 at 9:07 pm

  5. Booze is one of life’s pleasures Greg – correctly administered of course! Hey, you’d have to be happy about Collingwood lately. I hate to say it but maybe, just maybe, … it’s their year.


    7 June 2008 at 3:32 pm

  6. mate, just going on the volume you have written you must be feeling better physically at least.
    Have a couple of snorts for me there mate, I can’t touch the stuff.

    I know it’s not an easy decision but maybe you need to decide if you are going to take this cancer buisiness on or “negotiate a terms of settlement”.

    If you choose to fight it, all the time spent in the doctors offices (and waiting rooms)is an investment and if you go for option two it’s a waste.
    In that case you need to streamline your treatment.
    Decide what makes you more comfortable and focus on that. Piss everything else off in other words.

    Make sure you talk to your family about which way you want to go though. It effects them too.


    7 June 2008 at 6:33 pm

  7. AWOL – that’s a breathtaking proposition and I will give it serious thought. The problem is the instability. One day you go one way – the next the other.

    My bitch in this post is about the lack of access to factual knowledge. If I have the details, I can make the relevant decisions.

    The next milestone is mid July when they take a PSA reading. That will determine if I am headed for remission or not. I think a decision on your proposition should wait until the overall direction is determined.

    You are a wise man and I am listening to you. Thanks mate!

    Greg Naylor

    7 June 2008 at 7:31 pm

  8. making sure you have access to all pertinent information is critical to any decision, especially one of that magnitude.

    Good luck.


    7 June 2008 at 7:37 pm

  9. Ray, I’ve been thinking about Collingwood and it might be their year. By the way, you didn’t know that this property of ours is called Caringbush, did you?

    Anyhow, I’ll be watching the finals on our six foot projection screen. So, if Collingwood make it to the Grand Final, I would like to invite you and the missus over to watch it with me and to imbibe in something special. Are you game?

    Greg Naylor

    8 June 2008 at 5:34 pm

  10. I think Ray’s in mourning, the Sainters are getting a pasting by the doggies.


    8 June 2008 at 5:43 pm

  11. Now, why don’t you come over too AWOL and we could beat up on Brad Worry-wort, Sophie and the AFL. That might make Ray feel a little better about the Saints.

    Greg Naylor

    8 June 2008 at 6:02 pm

  12. Sounds good Greg. The last time I watched Collingwood in a Grand Final (in person) was 1966. I can’t recall who won though … but it was close!


    8 June 2008 at 11:09 pm

  13. Yeah, Greg, it sucks big time! And I feel so bloody useless for their aint nothing I can possibly do for you except tell you there’s not a day goes by that I do not think of you.

    Nice to know that you are surrounded by a great mob of loved ones and that they will have some great memories of you to cherish.

    Sincerely, JR


    10 June 2008 at 7:34 pm

  14. You know JR, it brings a tear to the eye to read the comments of blog buddies like you that I have never met. I find it huge to hear you say, “there’s not a day goes by that I do not think of you”.

    I really believe that you folk are helping me keep some sanity and keeping me out of the hands of counsellors.

    Greg Naylor

    10 June 2008 at 8:30 pm

  15. Hi Greg
    Your words are and will be an inspiration to many, I am glad you are able to say it just how it is and that reality checks in.
    What do you know about death, beliefs, God maybe this is an area you could look at and find some peace to know life after may well be happy and pain free dependant what you believe.
    I think you are brave and amazing thanks for sharing


    2 July 2008 at 2:56 pm

  16. Cath, good to hear from you . I have done that and have posted my thoughts here

    Greg Naylor

    2 July 2008 at 3:04 pm

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